Why I can’t give up

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  I was supposed to write rainbows and fancy swirls.  When I set off to own this, it worked perfectly in my mind.

As easy as the words flowed through my journal.

My fear of being someone who wasn’t heard in words was real and massive.  I grappled but now you finally convinced me that the world needs my story.  Thank you for believing in this cause, I’m so grateful.

From the heart flows the life in which God gives.

Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

I thought this would be different in some odd sense of the word.

When I dreamed of it all, I became paralyzed.  Nothing made sense and I struggled in words that used to flow so freely.

Who doesn’t need help in overcoming barriers that your heart has settled on?  I needed a leg up on some time that would help me over the obstacles.  I need time to learn, to heal, and to peel back another heart layer.

“The story we are telling the world isn’t half as endearing as the one that lives inside of us.”  ~ Donald Miller.

I need more time.

I hate that I have more time and yet can’t assimilate my thoughts into words.  I only need to be still and continue.  There is always time for the things that you want to do.

Instead of writing about this or that idea of writing I should be penning chapter 3.

Instead of just dreaming about doing the dream I just need to let my mind show up and do.

Instead of talking about it constantly, I just need to do what I am talking about.

My life depends on it.  My heart as already aspired to go there, I just need to give permission to it.

The other day, one of my mentors asked if I only had two hours a day, what would I do?

I knew the answer.

If you only you had two hours a week?

If you only you had 30 days to live?

If only I had something to say.

If only, I had the words to wrap around my heart.

If only, I had the words to capture all my thoughts.

If only, then….

Then, I could scale this wall of words.

Then, I could let the words flow out

Then, I could…rest my heart on what I know.

Then, I can share well in words and thoughts.

Then, I must help myself to accomplish what I must do.

I’ve come to far to give up now.

So what now?

Quit Facebook.  Period.

Train for the race.

Have deep discipline.

Delete the distracting apps from my phone.

Watch television only on the weekend.

Turn off notifications and internet access while I create.

Protect my time.

Concentrate on developing the art of words.

Trust God.

Speak my inside voice.

Write compelling words.

Show up every day.

Leap the procrastination barrier.

Draft the impossible.

Create art and resist the enemy.

Stay confident and remain.

Believe still.

Drop perfectionism and stop comparing.

Continue to persevere.

Finish well with excellence.

Commit to the art no matter what.

Do the hustle.

Be authentic.

Grow in the good.

Push forward.

Hope bigger.

If you had only two hours a day, what thing could you not give up?

Never give up.


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